That Looks Bad - Bill Whittle 7.17.12 (pre-election)

That Looks Bad

Ladies and Gentlemen, Bill Whittle is proud to present just a few of the 1001 REASONS TO VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA. At least, he thinks he is. Hang on a sec -- there might be a misprint in there somewhere...

Well, as we head into the pre-convention summer, I thought we might take a quick look back at Barack Obama’s first term, as a way to drum up our enthusiasm for getting him re-elected for another four years of the kind of successes we have come to expect from this historic candidate!

Kyle Becker over at CDN has compiled a helpful list: 1001 reasons to vote for Barack Obama! So let’s do a couple of victory laps before we spike the re-election ball, shall we?

In his first day as President, he signed an order fulfilling his campaign promise to close Guantanamo Bay within one year. And he very successfully… hasn’t done that yet. Three years later. That looks bad.

But in the same breath, fortunately, he promised to end George W. Bush’s vicious assault on habeas corpus… although he just recently signed the Defense Authorization Act vastly expanding the President’s personal power to arrest American citizens, on American soil -- at whim. Which looks a little bad, I do admit.

But when Honduras moved – legally – to remove socialist President Zelaya, who tried for a third term contrary to the Honduran constitution, President Obama called the Honduran defense of Honduran law “a coup” and “not legal” and ordered Secretary of State Hilary Clinton to cut off 30 million dollars in aid to Honduras. Is that true? Did that really happen? Well, that looks awful.

But when pro-freedom Iranian protestors took to the streets in Tehran, President Freedom said nothing for ten days. When just the tiniest bit of rhetorical support looked like it might topple our number one enemy in the world, President Obama refused to “intervene.”

Well that sucks! That looks terrible!

The Smartest President since Jefferson, though, graduated from Columbia University – where no one remembers ever seeing him. He became President of the Harvard Law Review, becoming -- historically! – the first Law review President not to write any, you know, actual law reviews. His academic records are so brilliant, so astonishingly historic and smart and historic and stuff, that he spends a great deal of money making sure that they remain sealed to this day. Which looks kinda bad, actually...

However, his autobiography, Dreams from My Father, has many moving passages from people that don’t… you know… actually exist – but it does contain a very moving family struggle against racism and colonialism that didn’t – you know – actually happen.

He’s got a sweetheart deal on his house from convicted felon Tony Rezko, which looks… you know, I admit, kinda bad. And even though that we know that he was a member of the Socialist New Party and has appointed open Maoists, Communists and Socialists like Van Jones and Donald Berwick and Anita Dunn and Ron Bloom and Cass Sunstein and David Axelrod and John Holdren and Elizabeth Warren to high positions in his administration, and even though he has the enthusiastic support of the American Socialist Party and the American Communist Party, calling Obama a Socialist is absolute slander caused by mean anti-Communist Republicans who don’t like him because he’s black.

President Obama also promised us that if we’d just let him hold 850 billion dollars for the Stimulus, unemployment would stay under eight percent. It’s actually been over eight percent ever since he took the money – he probably meant to say that it would stay under eighteen percent. Which it has done! Unless you’re an African-American teenager.

He got Osama Bin Laden, which looks GREAT! Only he was, you know, on the golf course at the time, and so that’s why he’s sitting off in the corner like the kid who delivered the pizza, which looks bad, I admit. Still, it was a gutsy call. It was the kind of gutsy call that he apparently took weeks to decide on, the kind of gutsy call enthusiastically supported by his entire cabinet, military advisors and every single last member of the American people, who would have made the exact same, difficult, torturous, gutsy call – only, you know, without the weeks of agonized contemplation. Which looked great! Except for the part where he claimed all the credit for the information which was gotten from Gitmo – which he promised to close – under the Bush interrogation protocols, which he campaigned against. Which ended up looking so bad that the SEALS had to kind of publically ask him to back off. And those guys never say anything. Which looked kinda bad.

My GOD! Look at the time!

He refused to secure our southern Border against armed, drug-running murderers, and directed his Justice Department to sue Arizona for trying to do the Feds job and protect its citizens… which looks bad, I admit. But he did put up signs warning American citizens to keep clear of those parts of American soil where these Mexican cartels operate, which is a very nice thing to do when you think about it.

He told the Russian Ambassador he’d sell out our missile defense shield if only they would leave him alone until after the election. My God…

He supports public sector unions, and while he was too busy golfing and fundraising to actually go to Wisconsin and actually fight for the things he believed in – which looked really, really, really bad – he did tweet that is one hundred percent in support of Unions… which looks… you know…

Then he threw the invisibility cloak of executive privilege over the Fast & Furious scandal, in which the Department of Justice sent hundred and hundreds of untraceable automatic weapons to the murderers in the Mexican drug cartels. And even though at least 300 Mexican civilians, and certainly one if not two American border patrol agents are dead because of it, the fact is that Barack Obama and Eric Holder had nothing to do with this… which is why they’re, you know, covering it up.

And finally, his signature legislation – Obamacare – which was written by others and voted on by others who are no longer in office (which looks bad) was found to be Constitutional! Which looks GREAT! Constitutional as a tax. The biggest tax on the middle class in history? Is that right? Really? Well that would mean that he lied to us when he promised this was NOT a tax, which looks awful….

Let me see that headline again?
((DISSOLVE from 1001 FOR to 1001 AGAINST))

Ha! You guys! Psych! You got me!

I was all set to re-elect the guy, but now I just look like… you know. An idiot.