Road Trip Rules

Eliminate boring road trips forever with these simple rules

       Make your next long haul more fun, less slog.

                     By David Gluckman July 12, 2014 / Photos by Jack Freer





THE FALLACY OF "MAKING GOOD TIME"

Leave the interstate! Leave the interstate! Leave the interstate! Everyone says it, few do it. For one thing, it's a better alertness aid than coffee; if you have to think more, your brain is less likely to check out. But more important, the time lost on the "slow roads" is rarely objectionable. Another 20 minutes or hour on a trip is worth it for the drop in blood pressure, the chance to exit the road train, and the feeling that you actually saw something new. You're not stuck at the office for once—enjoy it.

If you absolutely need to get somewhere now, remember the basics: Avoid coffee unless your bladder is enormous. Avoid cruise control unless you like being in a trance. Operate the machine with equal parts prejudice and paranoia.

DISCONNECT

Phones off. Let your brain breathe. Many rest stops now have Wi-Fi—when you're not busy taking one of every brochure on the rack, boot up your laptop and use the signal to check the weather or check in with work. ("Boss, this flu/cough/terrible rash just won't go away. I'll take another day to be sure!")

PAPER MAPS

Nav systems are great, but screens remove the context—where you are, where you're going, great roads two minutes off your route.

EAT...

USEFULLY. Bring nonperishable, nongreasy, high-protein foods—you want energy and easy cleanup, not a big bucket of chicken. 

CHICKEN. No, wait, everyone loves chicken. 

REGIONALLY. Go where the pickups are parked. 

JERKY. Dried beef and water will put a lot of landscape behind you.

APROPOS OF NOTHING

Cottonelle personal wipe packs are pretty great.
FUN WITH EDICTS

Set rules and impose entertaining penalties:
    •   
    •    Windows permanently down under 100 degrees ambient. First one to complain has to put his pants back on. (Or, in cold weather, take them off.)
    •   
    •    Truck-stop restaurants only. And you have to order the dumbest thing on the menu.
    •   
    •    Go arbitrary: No odd-numbered exits. Only right turns. Directions to driver delivered in the voice of soap-opera star Judith Light. Etc.


DON'T WAIT TO PLAN

The more you wait, the easier it gets to be lazy—to take the interstate, to eat at Chili's, to wind up having to hurry. Remember the old Peter Egan navigation principle: It's a great feeling to just spread a map out on a table and say, "Hmm ..."







Getty Images


TWO-LANE CONCIERGE

We've come to love Roadtrippers.com. This smartphone/web app—think of it as a dynamic TripTik—makes it easy to find cool stuff when you're on the road. You input a route and turn on different layers (as broad as "attractions," as granular as "breweries") to find stops along the way. Save your trip online, and it's accessible from your phone. Or you can plan a route and adjust as you go.






THE ART OF THE FUEL STOP

1. Synchronize bladders—driver, passengers, car.

2. One man runs the pump, the others hit the restroom and raid the mini-mart.

3. Always clean the windshield.

4. Dawdling only works when everyone's in on it.

5. Talk to the locals, but don't ask them where to get a good steak. Ever.

6. No campy souvenir gets left behind.